Remembering Ms. Martha

by Cherri Wolbrueck

I remember Ms. Martha...

In spite of 11 years instruction in a parochial school and being a devout Catholic, I did not truly understand the concepts of faith and of having "a personal relationship with God" until my mother-in-law showed it to me. She had been diagnosed with colon cancer and had surgery to remove part of her colon. Then she was diagnosed with throat cancer (despite never having smoked in her life) and breast cancer. She underwent surgery for both and then radiation therapy, losing about 45 pounds in the process. Finally, she was so weak she couldn't get out of bed by herself.

Through all this time, her Lutheran pastor or someone else from her church would come by to sit with her every week and pray. In November, 1997, I took her in for a check-up and the doctor told her she would not be alive at Christmas time. He was very sorry, but the throat cancer had recurred. Because she was down to 90 pounds, he said she couldn't survive any more surgeries, so there was nothing he could do but keep her comfortable. I was so upset, but she took the news just as calm as could be. Then she told the doctor that she had had a long talk with the Lord and he had promised her that she would live to see her latest great-grandchild born in March of the upcoming year. She trusted that God would keep His promise. You see my daughter and her husband were living with us at that time while their house was being built. Ms. Martha and my daughter, Beth, were very close and Ms. Martha intended to stay around long enough to be sure Beth and the baby were alright. I recall the doctor looking at me over Ms. Martha's head and shaking his as if to say, "There is no way she will last that long."

I took her home and within a couple of weeks had to start feeding her through a tube and giving her morphine for pain. Christmas came and went - she was still here. January and February came and went - she was still here. On March 16, 1998, my daughter gave birth to a beautiful baby girl whom she named "Ashley Anne." When we brought them home from the hospital, my daughter laid the baby in her great-grandmother's arms and I saw the most beautiful smile on her face. She looked at me and said, "See, I told you and those doctors that the Lord would let me live to see this little angel!" She seemed so much stronger just from holding the baby and less strained than I had seen her in months. Needless to say, her doctors were amazed that she made it so long.

The rest of the spring came and continued into early summer. On the last Thursday in June, Ms. Martha was very agitated and she asked me to call her pastor to come over right away. I reminded her that Pastor Sandy would come by after church on Sunday to give her communion but she said it couldn't wait. I was concerned and was sure she knew the end was near, so I called the rectory. Pastor Sandy was off that day but the secretary knew the situation and got word to her. She arrived at my house within a couple of hours. We talked in the hall outside Ms. Martha's room and I told her I feared it was almost over. She went in to pray while I waited for what seemed like an eternity.

About half an hour later, Pastor Sandy opened the door to Ms. Martha's room. Tears were streaming down her face and I felt such a sense of loss and despair. She hugged me and said, "I am not worthy to minister to her. I don't have near as much faith and trust in God as she has. I hope someday I will be just like her." I asked if it was over, if Ms. Martha was finally gone and, to my surprise, she shook her head, "No." I was confused and asked why the urgency in getting her to come. She smiled through her tears and said, "Ms. Martha wanted to make a confession." I told her that I hadn't realized Lutherans did confession like Catholics do. She said, "We don't, but something was bothering her that she just had to clear her conscience." Now I was even more confused! How could someone who couldn't get out of bed, who couldn't feed herself or even comb her own hair, someone who apologized to me every time I did anything for her because she was such a burden, how could she have done anything that needed forgiveness?

Pastor Sandy held me hands and spoke very quietly. "Do you remember the doctor's visit last November? The one where Ms. Martha told him that she had made a deal with God so she could live to see Beth's baby born?" Mutely, I nodded my head. Through the tears streaming down her cheeks, Pastor Sandy explained, "She wanted to beg God's forgiveness because after she got to hold Ashley in her arms, she didn't want to die right away. She wanted to hang on a little longer to watch her grow. She was afraid God would be angry at her for going back on her promise - that if she could live to see the baby, she would die quietly without any more fuss or bother. Instead, she had been selfish, even though she knew it was a burden on you and your family to keep taking care of her. She wanted to stay with the baby a little longer."

I realized I was crying too. This dear sweet old lady had more faith and belief in God than I thought I could ever have was begging forgiveness for staying alive! It was so terriby sad! "What did you tell her?," I asked Pastor Sandy. "I told her that God had spent 9 months with Ashley and He understood completely why she wanted to hang around...and that He saw nothing to forgive in that, " she replied.

Two days later, on Saturday morning, July 4, 1998, I took the baby in and laid her on the bed next to Ms. Martha. I had to pick up her hand and place it on the baby's blanket because she was so weak. I saw the pain lines ease when I did so. After a few minutes, I told her I was going to give Ashley a bath and put her down for a nap but would then come back and bathe her as well. She looked so frail but somehow at peace. I let her kiss the baby and left the room. When I came back twenty minutes later, she was gone - still with the look of peace and contentment on her face. I sat there holding her hand that had so lovingly touched the baby's blanket just a short time before and prayed to God that some day I would be half as good a person as my mother-in-law had been. I prayed for the faith, trust, and forbearance she had shown me over the past two years and could feel her smiling down from Heaven on my poor aching soul!

I hope your readers will learn a similar lesson to mine. May God some day let us all walk in His presence and Ms. Martha's!

In loving memory of Martha Kay Wolbrueck of Taylor, Texas, may she rest in peace.

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