Where is hope in dark times?

I was asked by a colleague after sharing a few prayer concerns, "How do you hold up, and function with all that goes on in your life?"  I thought for a moment and said that was a good question.  I don't know except by the Grace of God.  I often think that I may just be too busy to schedule a breakdown, and that if I stop it will all hit me.  But, the truth is I have stopped and I have been very still and quiet saying okay I give myself permission to lose it, to cry out.  But, rather I am filled with God's peace, His presence and His Love.

  On this particular day, these were just a few of the things going on in my life. My son Robert in Iraq had called earlier in the week in the wee hours of the morning.  I immediately asked if he was okay.  His answer was "no." At first I thought he had been wounded, but he was able to talk so this was good.   Thankfully he was not injured but he was in crisis. He was overwhelmed with fear, anxiety and troubling doubts about his family and marriage.  He had a sense of feeling like he was loosing control.  God equipped me in that crisis to lead him in prayer and to calm his fears. But, then when the call ended, my anxiety grew as I took on his fears myself.  Thankfully God did not leave me there for long and I was able to take it all to Him and trust Him to work it all out.  My responsibility is to pray and be available to my grandbabies and daughter in law.

Then there was my son Cory who struggles with addictions.  Within hours of my call from Robert, the calls began coming in about Cory.  He has been my prodigal son running from God for more than 21 years.  Though he has professed Christ and I have seen fruit, my son has taken his hand off of the plow which led him to freedom, cleansed him from his past, forgiven him with nothing but hope, restoration and a future before him and turned back to his old ways of bondage, addictions, hopelessness and despair.   I was struggling with how the Spirit of God and the ruler of this world could have such dominion in the same person.  How can there be both?  Was his profession real?  I had so many questions of God.   I am oftentimes on a roller coaster of joy and sorrow and have a sense of hopelessness concerning his life being turned around.  God uses His Word and friends to lead me to steady ground.   Cory's future is between him and God.  He is a gift that has been loaned to me for a set time.  My responsibility has been to love him unconditionally, to train him and teach him the things of God.    But, it is God who completes what He begins not me.  I am never to turn him over as though there is no hope as long as he still has breath.  Jesus' blood is sufficient to cleanse, heal and restore.

My mother has Alzheimer's disease and I have been her caregiver for nearly nine years. I recently moved her into a nursing home here in Miami.    I've been able to adapt my schedule with my visits and responsibilities to her. She may not actually know me, but at times in her eyes I think she does see and connect with me.  Her illness and the care giving continue to be a long journey and a long goodbye.  I have struggled with issues before with God as to why my mother who is locked inside of her body and unable to communicate, who is physically healthier than most of us continues to have life, while others so young, with so much life yet to live, the Lord calls home. Questions continue, such as, do you intervene with nutrition; do you let the illness progress naturally? There are times I get overwhelmed by my questions of God and the responsibility of her care.  Then I am reminded that He IS, the Alpha, the Omega, Omnipotent and Eternal.  He is worthy for me to just trust.  His ways are not my ways and He is beyond my comprehension.

  Proverbs 3: 5&6:  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your path.

  I had also received an escrow notice from my mortgage company of a large shortage.  I live open to when God may say it is time to let go and move. But, when this letter came in the mail, it spun me into crisis.  I was not open to God.  I whined: You have just moved and relocated my mom back to Miami, I love my job, and I love my church. Lord you have blessed me with ministry and now you want me to sell and leave Miami?  My thoughts were all over the place and I did not see any other option.  But, then God began to speak to my spirit, and he provided friends and godly counsel to direct my thoughts and to bring them captive, out of crisis mode to lay out the options that I truly have, to stop and listen, to come to a place of peace and rest within my soul.  Now, I am ready to hear the voice of God.

  Remember the question I was asked and my answer?  We are to be ready with an answer for the hope that is within us.  And I had not given a true answer. So where does my hope come from?

Romans 8:35   Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril or sword? Verse 37, But, in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us, Verse 39 b Nothing is able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus, our Lord.

      Many years ago while doing a bible study on Moses, I became so overwhelmed and convicted by Exodus Chapter 5.  I do not want to expound on this theologically but, to share what was spoken to me in this chapter.

  It begins with Aaron and Moses going to Pharaoh in verse one:  "Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, "Let My people go that they may celebrate a feast to me in the wilderness." In verse two, Pharaoh refuses.  Verse three tells us they were only requesting a three-day journey into the wilderness, sacrifice to God and then return.  Verse four tells us that Pharaoh did not want to let them go from their work.  Verses six through fourteen tell us that the working conditions for the Israelites worsened.

Read verse 15; the foreman of the sons of Israel went to Pharaoh rather than to God.   They then took matters into their own hands.  Read verses 19 through 21; They then blame Moses and Aaron for their afflictions.   It is then that Moses goes back to the Lord. Read verse 22:

  God spoke to me then and reminds me today that trials and tribulations are a way of life on this side of heaven.  I was not then nor am I today to let disappointments drive me away from God.

It is in trial and tribulation that I experience more and more of Jesus. When I was in the world, I did not see my lost ness or my need for Him- but when His spirit revealed my need He also revealed to me my hope in Jesus. As I walk or run the race, in victory there is praises and rejoicing, in trial, I am filled to overflowing so that my joy and peace in Him is not lost but reaffirmed that it is all about God.   HE IS ABLE.

  Shirlee Simpson is on the staff of the Latin America Mission in Miami.